Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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