Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
