Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
