the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Be still, my beating vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize