I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
