I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
