she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
