I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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