I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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