You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
