you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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