just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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