I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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