Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
