I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
