You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
