WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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