Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm at about main and main street
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude. I can hear the air.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
