Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
