(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
