people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
