Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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