We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
