He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize