the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
