your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
