So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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