glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
