I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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