saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
