In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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