Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
