Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
