he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
