the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
