i just had sex bonerless
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize