thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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