got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize
