what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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