it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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