He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
