I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
