At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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