I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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