It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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