I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
