This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize