hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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