That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
