Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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