I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
