My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Blood and glitter go together right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A bitchslap is in order.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
