There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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