I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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