just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
