Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
