your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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