nut hugger
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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