She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
