my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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