could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think your dad took our porno
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
