Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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