i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
