Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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