I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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