great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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