I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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