I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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