it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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